Eighteen

I’m cleaning out my closet as I attempt to prepare for painting and reorganization. The picture you see here is what I found hiding under the clothes that were hanging. There are eighteen shirts that I’ve bought over the last two years that I still can’t wear. Eighteen. What is wrong with me? These are great shirts. They were supposed to be motivations, but alas, I guess they weren’t motivation enough. 

Pretty great collection, right?


I’ve also found three dresses and two skirts that I should already be in. 

Maybe if I print these out and keep them around as constant reminders, instead of being hidden away, that will help?

Any advice? Any super amazing clothes that you’ve got hidden away waiting for that special day? 

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Depression and food?

It’s been a while, but I’m still here–struggling. I didn’t meet my goals. Now, I’m stuck.

The last week, or so, I’ve been eating dairy like you won’t believe. I keep saying I can stop when I want, but so far…I haven’t. This led to a few questions for me. 

1) Is dairy addictive?

2) Can dairy consumption lead to depression?

I had a Doctor once tell me that I should stay away from animal products. He said that he didn’t think my body processed them correctly. I did as he suggested and was a vegetarian for many years. I did feel better. I exercised more too. Then I got lazy and gave it up. 

I currently feel worse than I have in years. I have a few things working against me. Sleep deprivation–my youngest still doesn’t sleep through the night. And dairy… I just can’t seem to give it up. 


Something I’ve noticed on this dairy binge (and by dairy binge, I mean, having a glass of milk a day and a serving of cheese), is that I’m feeling really depressed. I’m exhausted. I have no motivation. I just can’t seem to get it together. And I want to get it together. I’m just getting along day by day. My husband has started to notice. He asks every night “what’s wrong?” “What can I do?” And I say “nothing. I’ll be fine.” But I don’t feel fine. I don’t feel like I’m going to be fine. I feel like a bad mom and a bad wife. I want to do more, but I can’t make myself. I’ve basically abandoned social media. I don’t answer emails. Even my school work is suffering. I can’t bring myself to even work on anything. 

I know this sounds like complaining because it is. I’ve been trying to suck it up, but I’m just not feeling it. I’ve been sitting on all this for a while, so I thought that I’ll share it here and see if anyone else feels this way. 

Is it the dairy? And if so, how do I stop? Do you ever feel this way after you eat certain foods? 

I hope you all are doing well on your life changes! 

*I apologize for not going back an editing this post properly. Please excuse any typos.

Planning

“One of the keys to weight management is planning, so you’re not caught eating whatever just happens to be on hand.” — Donald D. Hensrud, M.D., M.P.H.


Hi everyone, 

I’m still around! I’ve not given up, I’m just buried under all the family, school, and work obligations–like so many of us, right?

So, this post–meal planning, actually all planning, is one of my biggest problems. I think it’s also my biggest win; when I do it.

When I have time to plan out my meals and exercise, I see results. I feel better. So, if this is the case, why can’t I stick with it? For me, I think it’s time. I usually spend Sundays cooking and setting out a meal schedule for the week. Lately, I’ve been using Sundays to catch up with homework. I’m taking two classes this semester, along with all my other commitments, and some things fall through the cracks. For me, it has been meal planning and exercise. I want to do better at this. I really do. I need to find a balance, but how?

One of the things I started this year–little changes. Each week, I’m making a new change. They aren’t all weight loss related. First, I started making sure that I’m using my planner. Everynight, I check off what I’ve done for the day, write notes (like a journal), and plan the next day. Am I perfect at it? No, but I make sure that I make up whenever I miss a night. The second thing I started, every night and every morning, I wash and moisturize my face. I’m not getting any younger, and I didn’t do a great job with my skin in my twenties. I need to do better. I’m using micellar water everynight and some mornings. If I don’t use it in the morning, I’ll wash my face with Burt Bee’s Cleansing Oil. It doesn’t strip all my natural oils off, which is important for me in the mornings. I make sure that I moisturize at night with a collagen lotion, and in the mornings, I use a Loreal’s Youth Code Skin Recharger, but sadly, I learned it’s been discontinued. So, eventually, I’ll need to find something new. 

My next changes are to do some type of exercise everyday. It doesn’t matter what…it just has to be something. At this point, no time has to be associated with it. The next change will to be add the time factor. Hopefully, these small changes will be sustainable.

So, why is planning so hard? Is it the commitment? Do you have problems with this? I’d love to hear your take on planning! 

We’re all different, but . . .

I’m not gone! I’m still here, it’s just been a crazy few months (and the rest aren’t looking great).

I had my weigh in today. Eight lbs down, yay! Only two inches down, boo. 😦 

This was after a really disappointing weigh in last month. I had gained four lbs, and they didn’t even tell me about my inches. It was extra disappointing because I had been working really hard. So this month was a nice surprise.

I’ve been down lately. This is usually the time I give up on all this. Why? Well, I’ve lost thirty-one lbs to date.  One, I’m not going to meet my first goal of sixty lbs by November. Boo.

 Two, my in-laws came by. They cut out their snack foods–snack cakes and chocolate/candy–and no exercise, nothing extra. They have both lost a visible amount of weight, so at least twenty lbs in three months. It’s taken me serious calorie/food cuts, and a lot of exercise to lose thirty-one pounds–in more than six months. Yeah, that whole thing seems fair. 

Three, a FB friend put up a post of how she’s down thirty pounds and five sizes. What?? Five sizes? I’ve lost thirty-one lbs and wearing the same freaking clothes. They aren’t as tight, but I’m no where near being in a new size. Not even one size down. I have lost maybe two inches in my waist. How is this possible?

Before anyone asks . . . Yes, I’m doing cardio. A lot. I’m weight training, and I’m doing toning exercises. 

I’m walking, I’m doing the Beachbody 21 Day Fix workout (I actually kind of like the dirty 30, and I hate it), and I’m doing yoga. I’m also doing an arm/shoulder challenge. 

So, this, this is why I feel like giving up. BUT, I’m not going to. I’m not giving up this time. I’m just going to keep going. I’m going to add in some interval training in my walks, so that I’m walking and running. I’m looking at my nutrients more. I’m getting some protein powder to add to my meals and shakes. I’m going to keep doing this. I’m not going backwards. I may be stuck. I may not be showing progress, but I’m not gaining that thirty-one pounds back. I lost it. At some point, everything has to catch up, right?

I hope all your weight loss journeys are going well!! 

Friends, Family, & Support

Your friends, family, they are supposed to be supportive right? 

Like the picture below-kinda . . .

I find that I have a lot of saboteurs in my life. My husband is one by accident. He doesn’t have to worry about his weight. He drinks three sodas a day and eats candy and potato chips as his daily snack. He barely gains any weight, and if he does, he just works out once or twice and it’s gone.

My parents–my mother, more accurately, will notice I’ve lost weight, tell me that I look nice, and then will tempt me with foods that she knows I can’t resist. Or if I do resist, she makes me feel bad for not eating something she made/bought especially for me. The guilt always works.

Anyway, I’m accustomed to my husband and parents sabotage. What I’m not accustomed to is not having the support of my friends. I have a group of friends that are all trying to lose weight so we talk. I have another friend, separate from the group, who doesn’t know about the group. We don’t normally talk about weight loss because she’s always been thinner and prettier than me. After the birth of her children, she has had some difficulties losing weight and getting her figure back. Even so, she’s still thinner than me. 

Recently we were talking, and she mentioned that she wanted to lose 20 lbs. She told me the steps she was taking and the date she had set to reach her goal. I told her that was great! I told her how it seemed very obtainable and that I knew how hard it was for her to give up the things she was giving up. I told her that if she needed any support, if she needed to talk, whatever, I was there. (If we lived in the same city, I would suggest we exercise  together.) 

I told her that I,too, was trying to lose weight. And laughed about it because I am ALWAYS trying to lose weight, but this time I told her how much and the dates I selected to meet my goal. After a moments pause she asked, “100 lbs? You’re trying to lose 100 lbs?” I answered that I was and reiterated my dates that were realistic. After a few more moments she said, “I don’t want to see you disappointed if you don’t hit your numbers.” And that was that. 

She was basically telling me that  she didn’t think I could do it. That hurt. I wondered later if she thought my announcement overshadowed hers, and that was not what I meant. I was trying to be supportive of her and let her know I was there for her. I was in the boat. Like I said, she’s known me forever and I’ve always had more weight to lose than her. 

So who was in the wrong? Her or me? Or were neither of us wrong? 

Do you ever feel a total lack of support, or even worse disbelief and a feeling of being dismissed?

If so, what do you do?

I hope all your weight loss goals are going smoothly!

The Fat Just Walks Away…I wish (Monthly Update)

  
It’s been a while, but I was finally able to see my doctor for my monthly weigh in and measurements.

I’ll be honest it was a hard month. A friend of mine died suddenly, and I was a wreck for most of May. I had been walking every night, but I stopped. I was still recording my food, but as we got closer to her memorial; I gave up on that. I was also not making the best food choices.  Anyway, the last week or so, I got back on track, but I was expecting the worst.  I was pleasantly surprised. I’m pretty sure there was some divine intervention involved. 

So, I’m down 12 pounds. Woo hoo!  She also said I was down 4 inches. I’m not sure where those inches came from, but I know not my belly. I sneaked a peek at the sheet and that one stayed the same.

I’m hoping that June will be a better month.

I hope you all are doing well on your journeys!! See you next month!

   

No pictures of me this month, but these guys are cuter anyway.

It’s Not A Diet!

Hello friends! Miss me? 
~A friend of mine who is also trying to lose weight posted this one day. It fits.~

(This was yesterday, I wasn’t able to get it posted.)

Instead of an update for April, you get a play-by-play of my day! Today I met my new doctor. My old doctor left the practice because his doctor wife got a teaching job. So that left me with no doctor. . .thanks. 

I knew I wanted an Internist. Using that as my search starter I found one that was not only Internal Medicine, but had a focus on Weight Management. Perfect right?  I made my appointment in January and today is the day! 

To start, her office is associated with a hospital, so her building has literally every specialist I’ll ever need. In this one visit, I already have a new GYN. Woo hoo!! Her staff was nice and diverse, which made me really happy. Where I live, you don’t always find that. They do routine EKGs…what? Um, take my shirt off and put on this gown? But I just met you. . .

The doctor comes in, she’s really thin. I mean, really thin, but good right? She’s going to manage my weight. I need that. 

We talk, she says all the things I already know. She tells me to hide my scale. I need to go by how my clothes fit. That scares me. She gave me some meds and suggested future use of something I’ve never tried. She said eat more protein. They took my measurements before I left.

The part that was concerning was that even though I told her I had intestinal pain and a family history of colon cancer, she didn’t seem concerned about doing a colonoscopy.

The good, I have to come back once a month to check in. I like that accountability. 

So, this is the next step on my journey. I just wanted to share. And now, I’ll sit here and wait for all those normal labs you have to have done when you’re doing an annual visit. (It was a long wait, over an hour.)

I hope you are all doing well with your weight loss!!