Your friends, family, they are supposed to be supportive right?
I find that I have a lot of saboteurs in my life. My husband is one by accident. He doesn’t have to worry about his weight. He drinks three sodas a day and eats candy and potato chips as his daily snack. He barely gains any weight, and if he does, he just works out once or twice and it’s gone.
My parents–my mother, more accurately, will notice I’ve lost weight, tell me that I look nice, and then will tempt me with foods that she knows I can’t resist. Or if I do resist, she makes me feel bad for not eating something she made/bought especially for me. The guilt always works.
Anyway, I’m accustomed to my husband and parents sabotage. What I’m not accustomed to is not having the support of my friends. I have a group of friends that are all trying to lose weight so we talk. I have another friend, separate from the group, who doesn’t know about the group. We don’t normally talk about weight loss because she’s always been thinner and prettier than me. After the birth of her children, she has had some difficulties losing weight and getting her figure back. Even so, she’s still thinner than me.
Recently we were talking, and she mentioned that she wanted to lose 20 lbs. She told me the steps she was taking and the date she had set to reach her goal. I told her that was great! I told her how it seemed very obtainable and that I knew how hard it was for her to give up the things she was giving up. I told her that if she needed any support, if she needed to talk, whatever, I was there. (If we lived in the same city, I would suggest we exercise together.)
I told her that I,too, was trying to lose weight. And laughed about it because I am ALWAYS trying to lose weight, but this time I told her how much and the dates I selected to meet my goal. After a moments pause she asked, “100 lbs? You’re trying to lose 100 lbs?” I answered that I was and reiterated my dates that were realistic. After a few more moments she said, “I don’t want to see you disappointed if you don’t hit your numbers.” And that was that.
She was basically telling me that she didn’t think I could do it. That hurt. I wondered later if she thought my announcement overshadowed hers, and that was not what I meant. I was trying to be supportive of her and let her know I was there for her. I was in the boat. Like I said, she’s known me forever and I’ve always had more weight to lose than her.
So who was in the wrong? Her or me? Or were neither of us wrong?
Do you ever feel a total lack of support, or even worse disbelief and a feeling of being dismissed?
If so, what do you do?
I hope all your weight loss goals are going smoothly!